You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
