no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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