Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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