im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
