1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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