If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
