Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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