He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
