god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
