Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
