i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
