hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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