I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
