Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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