My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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