I cockslap morals
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
