There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
