I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
