i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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