Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
well you can't waste a boner
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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