Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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