So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
