You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
