It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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