I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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