I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
