apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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