"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
