That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
