try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
