When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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