Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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