Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
