I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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