My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
