The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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