Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
