Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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