I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
