so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
