the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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