we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
