All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
