hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
