i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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