i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
