Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
