i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
