Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
