Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
