Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
