after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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