We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
