Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize