Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
