I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
