I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
