You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
