WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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