I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
