god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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