I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my shit smells like andre
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You've changed since you got that strap on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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