I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize