I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
