Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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