It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dicks are not precious.
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