I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i drank out of a bidet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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