Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
