Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
