I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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