Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
