Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wakey wakey hands off snakey
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
