I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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