Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
