You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
