her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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