Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
