Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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