is your mom at the bar?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Acid is not a monday night drug
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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