my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
