He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
