I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
