I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize