I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
