I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
