New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
