are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
