i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
