my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
