drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
