I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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