I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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