I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
