someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
