just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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