you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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