the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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