I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
