belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize