when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have aggressive nipples.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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