someone owes me an orgasm
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
