trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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