We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
