my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
