This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
