she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
