You smell like stripper and shame
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
