I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize