I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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