just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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