btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my liver is dry heaving
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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